Healing Your Relationship with Connection

I recently went on a trip to Virginia. For a few reasons, I wasn’t initially excited to go. I had a lot going on at home, I was worried about missing too much work, and the last thing I wanted was to be around people 24/7. You see, I live alone and enjoy my time alone, so the idea of being in a hotel room with people for a week felt suffocating.

When I’m home, I can move at my own pace, not worry about always telling someone where I’m going, and do what I want when I want. Sounds a bit coarse, I know, but it’s the truth. If you asked any of my closest friends how I like to spend my time, they would give you a laundry list of activities—but in all of them, I’d be alone.

Without realizing it, I had grown comfortable with isolation. Even throughout my day—traveling from place to place, meeting new people, experiencing new things—I had gotten used to the lowly car rides and quiet nights. I knew something was wrong because even though I have so much to be happy and grateful for, none of it seemed to carry any real weight. It felt like there was a light inside me that would turn off every time my little world fell silent.

I expressed these feelings to a close friend of mine. I told her I thought I just needed more time to myself—to be alone, to figure it all out. That’s when she reminded me that the attitude we bring to an experience (a relationship, a challenge, a trip) shapes the outcome of that experience. I realized, if I didn’t change my attitude, I was going to have a bad time on this vacation—because I had already decided I wasn’t going to enjoy it.

On yet another quiet car ride home, I reflected on our conversation, and that’s when it hit me: part of the reason I didn’t want to go was because I was holding on tightly to the belief that being around people would make me feel worse, not better. That couldn’t be farther from the truth.

This trip showed me just how attached I was to isolation—rooted in fear of experiencing more loss and grief in my connections with others. If I avoided being around people, I could avoid feeling too deeply, or facing my own limitations when it came to emotional truthfulness with others. But now I see that my avoidance of the world was isolating me from real, open-hearted connection.

You see, when you cut yourself off from all connection, you also cut yourself off from experiencing spontaneous, authentic, loving relationships. The kind that happen when you put yourself out there, take a risk, try something new, and allow yourself to be vulnerable. When you choose isolation, you miss out on all that life has to offer.

It was in that moment of emotional honesty with myself that I made the conscious decision to change. I was done hiding from the world. I was ready to heal my relationship with connection.

Now, you may be wondering: “Abbi, how did you heal your relationship with connection on a single trip?”

It all came back to what my friend told me—I needed to change my attitude about how I entered shared space with others. So that’s where I started. Before the trip even began—before packing, before prepping the house—I started affirming positive intentions that I could truly believe:

“I am going to be open to new connections and experiences.”
“I am going to be a source of positive, loving kindness that others can feel when they are around me.”
“I understand that life naturally comes with conflict, and when it does, I will speak my emotional truth with kindness to myself and others.”
“I am patient in the face of adversity and transmute negativity into positive abundance.”
”I am looking forward to spending time with—and deepening—my relationships with the people I’m traveling with.”

I spoke these intentions to myself every day leading up to the trip, and to anyone I spoke with about it. What came next blew me away.

As I mentioned before, I started this vacation with a completely open mind, letting go of expectations. Now, I've been going on this same trip—to the same place—for the past 22 years. So releasing expectations was no small task. But I consistently pushed aside doubts, fears, and limiting beliefs that popped up.

Over the years, I’ve invited friends, close relatives, and even past boyfriends on this trip to have fun. But I’ve never had such an abundant, fulfilling experience as I did this year.

From the start, everything just flowed. We made it to the beach in record time—even with multiple stops. We found a parking spot on the first floor, right near the entrance (which never happens). A luggage gurney was sitting right next to the car. No line at reception. An elevator opened just as we walked in. From arrival to entering our hotel room, it took less than 10 minutes. For any traveler, that’s unheard of.

My aunt was in shock. She told everyone upon our arrival—even called my grandmother to tell her. And that’s exactly how the whole trip unfolded.

Each day, from beginning to end, things kept aligning. Even when we had setbacks or detours, we were led to something even more beautiful than we could have planned. No one argued or fought (at least nothing unfamiliar to siblings traveling on family vacation). Instead, our days were filled with laughter, love, and generosity.

I visited places I’d never been, spontaneously. Reconnected with old friends who just happened to be in Virginia at the same time. Met people from across the world who shared their life stories with me. Found a lost beach bike with a sticker on it that read, “You are worth more than your productivity.” (If you know me, you know how deeply that message hits.)

But most importantly, I deepened my connection with my family.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own world that we unintentionally neglect the relationships in our lives. In my case, I was so overwhelmed by the vulnerability of connection that I didn’t realize how my relationships were slowly falling apart. Just by changing my attitude and intention toward this trip, I ended up having a profoundly healing experience that completely shifted my outlook on connection.

We are all connected—whether at a cellular level, energetically, or by divine alignment. We hold the power within us to influence our relationships and how we experience life, for the better.

If this resonated with you—if you've ever struggled with connection, or you want to create healthier, more meaningful relationships in your life—reach out. Take that leap into vulnerability, because the life you’re waiting to live exists in the space between connection.